Sunday, July 17, 2011

Little Bit of Heartbreak

Psalm 127:3-5
New Living Translation (NLT)

3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
4 Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
5 How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.

As I sit here this evening contemplating the day, these scriptures come to my mind.  Eighteen years ago today I gave birth to my firstborn son.  Little did I know that the next eighteen years would go by so fast!  I can still remember in detail the day of his birth.  The feeling of awe when I first saw his little 7lb 2oz body.  Holding him in my arms for the first time after the nine months of wondering who he would be and what he would look like.  Then taking him home from the hospital (and wondering if I would be able to take care of him properly without a full-time nursing staff!)  Looking back I realize how little I was prepared to take on the job of motherhood.  Oh, some things come natural, for sure, but at the age of twenty one, you have no idea how much effect this little person will have on your life.  Then and now.  So, to the now.  My mother's heart is breaking just a little today as I realize a large part of my job is done.  He is ready (or not!) to face the world and all of its challenges.  I don't really want to let him go.  I want to have,  what I perceive, as much control as possible.  Okay, that's just being honest...but not to control him,  but to protect him.  I know now, after eighteen years, that life isn't always easy or fun.  I know he will have to face hard times himself.  And make hard decisions of his own.  This brings me back to these scriptures which have comforted me today.  My son is a blessing from God Himself.  Just because I'm having a hard time letting go doesn't change that fact.  I know as we continue this transition, he will be more of a blessing than before.   As he pursues his dreams, meets the love of his life and has children of his own...I can see a glimmer of some joy that will outweigh this little bit of heartbreak I feel right now. 


  1. I think that is a sweet tribute to your firstborn and a testament to your faith in God.

  2. Susanna, you write very well, as do all the kids. You get it from your Dad.

  3. thank you, all! i find this all very cathartic. :)